Sick, Naked, and Afraid

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Have you ever experienced the feelings of being sick, naked, and afraid? Men often ignore their vulnerabilities, but the façade has limitations. Difficulties can teach you plenty when you embrace the fullness of your identity.

So many of us project false images of ourselves as tactical tools to survive.

We put up a front. We get wrapped in our public personas while losing touch with our inner selves to fragile and narrow definitions of masculinity.

Check my usage of “we;” I’m no exception to these observations. One of my goals is to be more transparent.

Consider this blog post a start.

Ninety days into this transition from Antigua to the States and I’ve experienced multiple emotion from A to Z. Almost everything from Anger to Zest has surfaced during this relocation.

These last two weeks have been no exception.

My youngest caught a cold. He passed it to me, and I passed it to my middle son, who then gifted the cold to my daughter.

On my way to work on the train, I wore a face mask and faced reality.

I denied it at first, but on the fourth day of feeling off, I acknowledged the clogged ears and runny nose. Somewhere between running a marathon and traveling to participate in a Capoeira event, my immune system was compromised.

Despite knowing the importance of recovery, I ignored the signs and pushed my body’s stamina again. The poor decision produced mucus buildup, fevers, and chills.

During a week when everyone traveled to the headquarters, I held virtual meetings and, when possible, avoided groups in the office to prevent the spread. The precaution was necessary. No one called off sick.

I also continue to struggle with the weather.

Most mornings, I wake to less than 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Rain and cloudy skies are typical throughout the day.

Warmer afternoons are typical, but I still complain about being cold. The weather in the North Pacific doesn’t compare to Midwest winters, but eight years abroad in the tropics has reduced my temperament for cooler temperatures.

Some days, I wear compression pants and long-sleeve shirts underneath my clothes. The layers don’t cover the feeling of being naked.

There are moments when I also feel afraid.

This America is not the America I left in 2016. It’s the same country with more or less the same challenges. Differences are revealed in political priorities and hidden through consumer conveniences and false representations of security.

Between regressive oppression and advanced technologies, it’s difficult not to feel sick, naked, and afraid.

The anti-diversity agenda deepens divisions disguised as school choice and state control. Advocates don’t care or refuse to acknowledge how students without choices will remain in public schools without the resources to support learning.

Last week, my coworkers discussed the implications of the massive Department of Education layoffs. A lack of financial aid support for students from underserved communities is one of many outcomes. While the funding for the non-profit I work with is not reliant on federal dollars, the students we serve need assistance to attend school.

Our programs, services, and courses rely on students’ presence on high schools and college campuses. The Department of Education’s precarious position puts us in an awkward stance to influence equity initiatives through schools. With the latest Executive Orders to close federal offices, the future is unknown.

Last Sunday, I gave myself some much-needed sleep. The rest carried me throughout the week, and my strength returned. I lifted weights, had some transparent conversations, and ran again.

What will happen this weekend and the coming week? Who knows?

If you’re feeling sick, naked, or afraid, admit it. Help can come from external resources like therapy or internal sources accessible via self-care. You may need a combination of tools and vulnerability offers a pathway to restoration.  

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